Having A Baby In America - SOME MORE NEWS
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- Hi. Conservatives sure want Americans to have more children, but they don't seem to like children at all or want to support them in society! In today's episode, we look at the many challenges Americans face if they want to become parents, and the questions one has to answer to make such a decision.
Hosted by Katy Stoll
Directed by Will Gordh
Written by Katie Goldin
Executive Producers - Katy Stoll and Cody Johnston
Edited by Gregg Meller
Produced by Jonathan Harris
Associate Producer - Quincy Tucker
Post-Production Supervisor - John Conway
Researcher - Marco Siler-Gonzales
Graphics by Clint DeNisco
Head Writer - David Christopher Bell
Sources: docs.google.com/document/d/1o...
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Chapters:
00:00 - Intro
02:41 - The Reasons To Have Or Not Have Kids
09:41 - Having Kids Is A Political Decision?
19:01 - Kids For The Economy?
22:57 - An Aside To Talk About The GOP's Racism
30:49 - Procreate For Your Religion?
41:25 - The Climate Change Of It All
45:59 - America Makes It Very Difficult To Have Children
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It's amazing that nobody who's worried about "demographic collapse" seems to think about how making life better for the average person causes them to consider having more kids.
That's because they either live in a bubble or willingly deny the hardships outside their bubble...of which they DO live in.
Maybe for the prosperous post-war Boomers, they could have their kids and eat it too, but throughout most of human history having kids involved serious personal sacrifice, and modern young adult is all around less willing to sacrifice their lifestyle for the sake of having a family. Having kids will eventually come back into fashion again.
But that's socialism. Booga booga.
Because the real problem is that we've given women too many rights, brother
@@andrewflanders262 i read that as "have their kids and eat them too". i will not apologize for channeling my inner jonathan swift.
When I got a vasectomy my dad was all like "what? Why would you do that?"
A weird question coming from the man who acted like I was such a burden my entire childhood
Did you have a discussion there or just left it at that?
Sorry, if I'm nosy
That's such an emotional way to look at it.
Agreed. I didn’t do that but I complained to my dad about paying daycare (he is 64) and he said “what you can’t afford $50-$100 a week?” I had to break it to him I pay $300 a week
@@BilliamJoyBoy fuck 😭 not $300 a week. Not worth it. $300 a month yea. Are they feeding, transporting, bathing, AND educating the baby? 😅
@@spliffsforbreakfast no, I have to send food, extra clothes, a water bottle with her name on it, sheets and a blanket for nap time… I guess they provide a cot?
My favourite part was when conservatives called the actions required to produce a child a moral evil, made a system designed to prioritise personal profit above all else, made the act of raising a child conflict with pursuing personal profit then asked "Where grandkids?"
That's because in their ideal world:
1. Sex for lust or love is bad; sex for continuing the family line and business is good.
2. Marriage is primarily for economic & social gain 1st & foremost; marriage for love & companionship is optional but not recommended.
3. Only men get the education & skills to go out into the world to acquire what's needed for survival; women only need to stay in the house, birth babies & be a household appliance.
Sex is a moral failure, but having kids is a moral imperative.
Better pay that stork real good.
@@pikadragon2783
Stork's got competition from the cabbage patch. His efforts don't command the high price it used to.😃
@@19Pyrus70 Minor correction, point number 3 only applies to *white* men. Non-white men need not apply, according to conservatives.
you're taking a small subgroup's perception and deceiving yourself that it's the whole group of christians' perception.
sex has impacts and some are good and some are bad. depends on the context.
your guys' philosophy is pretty much arrogant hedonism where you're entitled to have someone else clean up the negative impacts of such.
Matt Walsh saying "forgot about the native Americans everyone else has" basically says everything we need to know about him
I'll take people who, if we're scalped by a Native American due to their racism, people would laugh and meme the shir out of it for 500, Alex
I literally screamed after hearing that.
@@yourfriendlyinternetmeatshield what the f are you even trying to say
@@NEMOfishZ92 that he's horrible person and people would find it ironic and amusing were that to occur to him.
@@yourfriendlyinternetmeatshield he is horrible and maybe some people would but I think that would be taking it way to far
12:51 if I had a nickel for every time a right winger accidentally admitted to having an abusive dad, I'd be rich enough to have 30 kids
They wouldn't be suspicious of kindness if they had grown up somewhere they felt safe.
Therapy for the right!
@@therabbithat I mean, if he had a nickel for every left-leaner who talks badly about their parents/households... they'd triple whatever result the right winger gave them. And to your point: maybe don't let others raise your kids for you, whether that be the state or a non-transparent school system run by said state.
@@Dooger414 stop being weird. you can just make fun of liberalism for having a causal relationship to growing up in wealth and privilege without making shit up to be mad about. if you don't understand how fundamentally conservative our social service system AND our public school system is, you are waaay fruther to the right then you realize. and your telling me that conservative parents don't let nannies, church communities, and religious private schools 'raise their kids for them'?
@@Dooger414 How many of those left-leaners had conservative parents?
Soo I'm a leftist, and I just wanna say that most people had abusive parents, cause that was the norm and parenthood as we typically know it is an inherently abusive institution
The most depressing part of these videos is that everyone who absolutely needs to see them never will.
Or may see it, but are unable / unwilling to change their mind or behavior.
meh, i like how the internet introduced me to new viewpoints and how i watched first in morbid fascination but the ideas, as their own seeds, took root just fine. the good of these videos is that people can watch them alone and at home and feel no pressure of getting into a fight about it. lurking is real and also real helpful to educating an audience who, in public, would disagree or argue simply because they need to fit in with their family or community.
@@mamcineoxfeather5425 No pressure to get into fights? Dude, the comment section is right here.
The people who see it will have the chance to carry real facts and arguments into friend and family circles where they might be most needed. So there's that.
Still not ever gonna try AG1 tho.
They'll watch it for 10 seconds, leave a comment about woke libs or something, then go and continue getting raw dogged by the government they keep voting for.
“If my father told me the world was better for having me in it, I would have assumed he was drunk”
My new favorite Dennis Prager quote
I actually agree with Dennis’ dad nowadays, but I like to think that as a 5th grader he wasn’t a total detriment to the world.
@@whysocurious7366 Someone should make a video that says "Tell me your father didn't hug you enough without telling me your father didn't hug you enough" and then just play that clip.
His dad's opinion of him remained unchanged until he died
@@chairmanm3ow well, maybe he was always as bad as he is now, and so it was justified then too? Idk. I didn’t know Dennis as a kid. Maybe he was awful back then, too.
@@whysocurious7366 "Dad, I don't like this cereal. It has too many colors. Can I get the cereal that's all one color?"
The "who will take care of you when you're older" line is especially crazy, because there's no guarantee your kids will look after you when you're older. There's a reason the trope of the lonely old person whose family never visits them exists.
Capitalism loves to externalize its liabilities. Old people aren't economically productive in a way that shows up on a corporate spreadsheet or GDP figure, so they get to be somebody else's problem.
yeah they were shitty parents
Someone has to drive you to the nursing home. 😈
The exact kind of parents who have kids just so they can look after them when they're older are the exact kind of parents that get put in a home and left to die, assuming their kids even have the time and energy to visit and the money to care for them instead of just [REDACTED] with whatever degree of medical consent they receive, and the exact kind of broken-as-hell elder care system where that's actually expected (While also treating mono-generational homes as a natural cultural default) is the exact kind of working-as-intended elder care system where that just kind of happens.
@@MrPiccoloku I agree, and I'd like to add that it's not just "you specifically need to have kids or nobody will look after you", but also "if the system encourages people to not have kids, your generation will be underserved in old age".
I work with the elderly and there is a significant amount that have no relationship or a bad relationship with their adult children. So don't assume having kids means someone will take care of you later in life
Yep. I took off and left that bs to my sister, who probably thought it would gain her the love and attention our parents never gave her growing up.
As an Activities Professional working in Senior Living Communities for over a decade...
Oh Gods is this true!
I've had some particularly nasty residents over the years who verbally abuse everyone in their vicinity and then begin crying when their kids don't want to visit them.
It's almost as if there's a connection between the two phenomenon.
@@georginatolandkeep in touch with your Sister, even though she might resent you, if you can.
I know it's hard, but if they manage to split you up, the parental triangulation wins again.
@@andreaslind6338 I’ve tried, but she won’t return any messages. Haven’t heard from her since we cleared out the family home and I sold it over a decade ago. I’ve moved so many times since, even if she tried to find me, she is unlikely to be successful. Good riddance.
Hm, I would argue that you just don't see much of elderly who is in great relationships with their family.
Yes, there some very disfunctional families, but if you work in care/help/support for elderly,
It is obvious why you don't see much of good examples.
It is the same as like divorce lawyer doesn't see much of good examples either.
"Baby bootstraps for sale, never worn."
Art.
Fantastic literary reference. I remember by English teacher being annoyed no one ever offered the alternative answer that they were the wrong size.
@@ruffethereal1904it's true, my son was born way too big for newborn clothes
@johnharvey5412 I saw a meme once that said "For sale: baby shoes, never worn...
Because my wife said it's irresponsible to buy a newborn $200 Air Jordans"
😂
Humans: "We can barely afford to keep ourselves alive. In these conditions, it'd be impossible for us to keep a child alive long enough for them to reach adulthood."
Conservatives: "Oh no, that's horrible! We need to put those kids to work now, or we won't be able to make a profit off of them before they starve to death!"
Scientifically, conservatives are not humans.
"Human beings are anatomically similar and related to the great apes but are distinguished by a more highly developed brain and a resultant capacity for articulate speech and abstract reasoning."
Your comment juxtaposes humans with conservatives, which is basically modern politics in a nutshell.
@@ludo_narr a more charitable interpretation might be that they were using humans as a generic term, not referring to a specific group (because remember kids, there are more ideologies in the world than just conservatives and liberals), and then referring to a specific group who has specific and ghoulish policy positions by their name
Obviously just one interpretation, but I think that modern politics could use some empathy, benefit of the doubt, all that
Hi fellow math person! Your first paragraph is true, but the next sentence does not follow from it. For one thing, it doesn't mean we are more financially secure. It's a lot easier now to become unemployed and unemployable. @@cowmath77
Conservatives: And if that doesn't work you can always sell your barely adolescent daughters into abusive marraiges
I can’t imagine the anxiety involved in having a pregnancy in a state where you could be investigated as a criminal if you miscarry, or denied life-saving abortion until you’re nearly dead if you have a serious complication, or forced to carry a nonviable fetus to term.
It’s beyond fucked up that, though I can’t get an abortion in my state if I needed one for life saving medical care due to a trigger law being enacted when RvW fell, I consider it a blessing that my state has not outlawed traveling to receive one.
I wanna have kids, but the possibility of having a complication I wouldn’t be able to receive care for in time to save my life is terrifying.
I shouldn’t have to choose between having bio kids and not dying.
Republicans want people to procreate, but have taken away a safety net that many people consider essential for that process to happen safely. I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve read recently of people saying “I wanted to have kids but got sterilized after they overturned Rowe because I’m not risking dying in childbirth or being prosecuted for a miscarriage.”
They’re shooting themselves in the foot.
@@ezra55595 what do I get the feeling that their next step will be to outlaw sterilization for people who haven't popped out at least two kids? 😐
@leyrua why do you think its so hard for women to get sterilized? They usually make the amount of kids you have a deciding factor.
@@bettemiddler7756 True, I forgot for a moment that this is ALREADY a thing. 😞
There was a gal who was refused and told that her _future husband_ might want kids. The opinion of a man she hadn't even _met_ yet was rated as more important than her control over her own body.
It's palpable, I'm pregnant in an abortion ban state, and it's genuinely a fear I have. If something goes wrong, it could end very, very badly. My only saving grace being just close enough to another state to be able to leave for a DNC if I do happen to miscarry. I'm in my second trimester now so the risk is less now than before, but the idea of having to deliver a stillborn or a child that might die a painful and unavoidable death after an extremely short life is uh, abhorrent. I just try not to think about it, because at the end of the day beyond asking the legislature to change their mind I have no recourse.
Funny that it’s always “how are we gonna pay for it” when it comes to universal healthcare, but conservatives never ask that when they tell people to have more children.
Because they're not concerned about paying for anyone else's benefit and have no intention to.
@@gundamkaizer6947 And they're right! It's not like they ever need someone else!
**takes a bite out of a sandwich**
What? I MADE this sandwich! What do you mean who baked it? I paid for this sandwich! WIth MY hard earned money! It's all ME ME ME ME ME ME! **beats child** I grew up that way and I turned out fine! Wash my car and I'll give you a nickle.
dude - we don't have to pay for children. that's the job of parents.
holy marx you ppl are so smug you go full stupid.
The worst part is money is real when you are trying to care for your child. Money is not real when it comes to government policy.
@@keyentitycain8420 way too short of an explanation, but, the govt causes the problems that make it harder to have children, and then offers you the solution (money) if you'll vote for them. but then their solution exacerbates the problem. and round and round we go.
It's not about future kids causing climate change, it's about them having to experience it
And feeling responsible for your grandkids, and their kids, and so on. Will the Earth even be a worthwhile place to exist 400 years from now? 4,000? 40,000? Maybe it’d be better to cut our losses
@@elijahemerson920 So If we might die or suffer in the near future, there's no point in living? Is life only worth it if its 100% rainbows and butterflys?
@@sirbear9396 nah. Just better to avoid bringing a child into the world (if you can avoid it) until it's clear that the fuckers in charge are actually making an good effort to fix what they did. Not gonna bring a kid to this world unless I know I can provide them a good life, and that's just kinda up in the air rn because regardless of how well-off you are, they'll still experience increasingly more climate disasters throughout their entire lifetime. Not to mention all the other shit the government is fucking up. Adoption is always an option for those who feel this way though, as you aren't bringing someone new into the world by adopting. This is just my opinion though, and only one of the many reasons I'm child-free
I don't think choosing not to create a new human being has much anything in common with choosing to end one's live. Having said that, choosing not to have a child because life might be terrible in 400 years seems strange. I could see deciding not to have a child if life would be terrible for them right now though. @@sirbear9396
No, but most people would want their kids to have a fighting chance. Sure, you can have kids knowing they'll face challenging conditions, and people do all the time. But some might choose not to and that's okay too.
I've worked in a nursing home for years. If your only reason for wanting kids is that they'll care for you when you are old, then don't have them, it's a coin flip. And most people that have good enough relationships with their kids in old age had them for other reasons in the first place.
Well said, thank you.
My brother works at a nursing home and he says some of the old ppl are so bitter their children refuse to visit.
"It's almost like they see children as a commodity and ideological prey, rather than actual human beings."
Very succinctly put.
Katy 99% of the time: “Hey Cody! Here’s some literal poison you should eat for my amusement”
Katy1% of the time: “ Hey everyone, I need to drop character to tell you that poison is bad actually because capitalist white supremacist patriarchy is figuratively and sometimes literally poisoning people”
she's so real for that
Katy 100% of the time: un-entertaining
@@NeverEvenThere NeverEvenThere 100% of the time: wrong and also lame
@@NeverEvenThere that's not a statement on Katy, that's just a statement on your inability to find women entertaining. Take a look in the mirror maybe?
@@mars7304That person said something really dumb, and somehow you almost managed to top them.
If somebody accuses someone of being boring, you don't need to assume that they find everyone of a specific demographic boring. It's childish and makes us all look like idiots.
Or to put it another way, if you didn't like Robocop it's because you hate the handicapped.
Relieved to know Cody is doing fine for now
I don’t believe that narrative. We need to see Cody’s feet as proof.
@@stubbwinkley4015 Attached to his ankles, or...
@Joe90h we could try it both ways.
@@Joe90h I’m not picky.
I'll believe it when we see a proof of life
My mom works in a school cafeteria in the US, and any time a kid doesn't have enough money for lunch the workers will secretly pay for it for them so the kid doesn't have to go hungry. Its horrifying that they need to do that, but I am glad that they do. Unfortunately, this is likely only possible because it is a fairly small and only slightly poor school, rather than a larger very poor school, so they only need to do this for maybe 1 or 2 kids a day
I never had this kind of luck, it's good somebody else did though I guess.
As an adoptee, I cannot tell you how much my hackles raise every time someone says you can "just" adopt. I'm glad to see this channel address the fact that adoption can have a darker side to it, and isn't just rainbows and kittens, though.
@@slevinchannel7589 I feel like you're trying to say something sort-of-racist, but your command of language isn't good enough to express it properly.
@@vylbird8014 Well you just assumed extremly-negaitively about a stranger, liked your own comment and all-in-all completly dnked on yourself.
@@slevinchannel7589 would love to see you prove them wrong and actually state one of those downsides of "cultures intermingling". But in order to do so, I'm assuming you would need to make a pretty bad generic claim about the given "culture" and the people who live in another part of the world. That alone tells me you aren't the leftist you claim to be. No matter what you bring up, no leftist believes individual people are the problem over systems. And our systems are effed as is.
@@bulletsandbracelets4140 And i would love to do do so and point out things that countless non-racists have noticed, but for that (and any civili discourse) to happen, we need you to be didfferent. Youcant be this egodriven dimwit who cant supress his arrogance enough to have just asked e politely to elaborate.
We cant.
Its impossible for mature adults like me to react positively to your specific Wordchoice. Or should i say Tone?
@@bulletsandbracelets4140 And the claim im not a leftist and lie about that... man, thats so f-ing silly i can only point out 'Your comet mthad a 0 percent chane to actually
s t a r t a c on v e r s a t i o n
Regarding kids as a retirement piggy bank: If you live in a country that doesn't take care of its old folk, you can be sure that it will exploit working people so much that the kids of those old folk won't have much to support their parents.
Not to mention, the money you save from not having kids could pay for ten retirements, especially if you invest it well
This is so true. I love my parents, worry for them and would absolutely take care of them financially-if I could afford to even take care of myself.
I feel that the whole "government needs to take care of old folk" mentality only exists in countries/cultures that don't have nuclear families and children are kicked out as soon as they turn 18. In many South Asian and East Asian cultures, families stick together in multi-generation homes and *everyone* in the family is expected to care for everyone else (young or old). Parents have an obligation to look after children till they get married, and in many cases married couples continue living in the same home as the parents (or in-laws) and then look after them when they grow old.
@@xuvial1391 Many children couldnt even take care of their parents if they want to since its so expensive. But they shouldn't be obligated to either
@@xuvial1391 that sounds like a horror movie to me tbh - the oh so beautiful "nuclear family" really isn't always folks you want to stick with just because you were born into that group of people by chance. The government is elected by the people to take care of the people, that's not a revolutionary concept. What did you think the government is there for? Edit: Also, what are all the people going to do who can't have / don't want children or aren't hetero?
Having a kid in Canada is one hell of a challenge. I can't imagine having a kid in the US, where a birth complication alone could set you up for a cycle of endless medical debts.
If you get that far. With sporadic access to reproductive healthcare, and some states not even having a "health of the mother" exception, a woman in the wrong state could die (or do permanent damage to the reproductive organs) due to pregnancy complications or an incomplete miscarriage. Doctors are too afraid of being sued to treat their patients according to best practices and offer appropriate options.
Canada gives you 12 months of leave paid for by the government as well, with 5 weeks reserved just for the father. It's paid at 60% of your salary which is not amazing, but survivable. Between no mandatory parental leave and the high costs of medical care, the US is a dystopia for having kids.
That system is horrific to me. One of the things I love most about the UK is irrespective of your wealth or how much you worked in your life if you get ill we all contribute to helping you out. It is a binding factor of our culture I'd say. Far from perfect, but still important
@@jmlkinc Jesus. No one can outdo the States, for better or for worse. You guys really are competitive about everything.
OP admitted that having a baby in the States would be worse due to the medical debt, and you came in swinging with, "Nuh uh! Canada isn't half as bad! Our medical debt is insane!" Like yeah, they said that.
Also, we're going through a massive housing, rental, and income crisis right now. No one is making nearly enough money. Our homelessness is rising. So cry about the leave we get, but that doesn't mean we're suddenly some paradise in comparison. When the average price of a house is closer to a million than ever before and income levels are far below what they should be (to the point that people are getting 2-3 jobs), maternity/paternity leave is the least of people's concerns.
We're *all* fucking suffering, dude. You don't have to win all the time.
My baby is a year old and we're still in debt for her birth by thousands of dollars
My wife and I had a kid two years ago(around the time we turned 30) and he is the biggest source of joy in our lives. We really want to have another kid but our rent increases every year and the only way we can make more money is by taking on more jobs. One of the jobs I work pays me 1600 bucks a month and 1300 of that goes straight to daycare. Before I could afford that I stayed home to take care of our son and my wife put in more hours at one of their jobs simply because their pay rate is higher and it made more sense. We pay almost $16,000 a year in child care. Conservatives talk all this shit about family but consistently give tax breaks to corporations and not families. They even ended the child assistance that was happening during Covid. I love my family, but we are barely managing as it is. We don’t even have a choice around growing our family.
😢
I’d also like to have a second child, but because my job is unstable contract-to-contract hoping for renewal each time, I’m afraid I’d lose my job and our healthcare benefits if I got pregnant. Laws against pregnancy discrimination are irrelevant if your employer can just not renew your contract for any reason.
We can stay afloat temporarily on one income, but my spouse’s health insurance options are not very good and we would not be able to save for retirement or major home maintenance projects like replacing the furnace.
And we are probably among the more financially stable in our age group since we paid off all college loans 4 years ago and have been homeowners for about the same amount of time.
The conservatives want you to have children but they probably hate them.
The cheapest childcare in my area is over $2000 a month. I warned my wife when she was pregnant that going through with having a kid would be face-meltingly expensive but even I underestimated
My partner and I are currently in a position where I can work at home 100% of the time, we own our home and the bills are paid. We have a large family support system, and his union offers a fair chunk of stability for health insurance at least. I’m currently pregnant with a wanted child and everyone is excited and supportive.
And it’s STILL hell sometimes. Like physically. My boobs are balloons and I’m a stomach sleeper so it’s painful all the time and I wake up 15x a night. I’m so nauseous for 14 hours out of each day to the point that it’s painful and I get dizzy and have to lay down. I can’t eat but I have to eat regularly to keep my insulin regimen balanced. Stretch marks are the absolute least of my worries right now, and I think this should be a much more talked about and accepted reason to not want to get pregnant. I’m not glowing, I’m in pain and about to puke on you, and it’s every human’s right to choose to not go through that experience.
Hey thanks for this
All anti choice arguments ignore that pregnancy gone well is pretty miserable but, it's also really dangerous. Especially in America.
Dont sleep with your legs spread open.
@@sleepyjoe7518 my brother in Christ, what the fuck is wrong with you? Not only did I say that my pregnancy is wanted and planned, but it’s common knowledge that pregnancy is dangerous, uncomfortable, and causes health complications. Have you never talked to another human being in real life before?
@@chubbynugget thank you!
Grew up in a Christian household, it was always assumed I would have children. I knew at five that I was firmly in the Do Not Want catagory, and my mother laughed at me and said I'd change my mind.
10, firmly saying no, I do not want to give birth at any point in my life at the dinner table, BOTH parents laugh in my face and assure me I'll Change My Mind
15, arguing with a teacher who made a blanket statement about all girls in the class that They Will Have Kids, telling her flatly I Will Not and said teacher rolling her eyes at me
17, my brother casually assumes I'll be the first of the three siblings to reproduce. I'm the youngest and have been loudly proclaiming my disinterest for more than a decade.
19, my sister pulls me aside and asks me to help convince her husband he's ready to be a dad. I said I can't have that conversation, and she got upset with me because She Feels Like She's Running Out Of Time. She's 25.
22, mom asks about my reproductive health during a visit. I inform her I Do Not Want Kids And She Fucking Knows It. She gets upset that I snapped at her.
25, Mom brings up the fertility conversation while chatting with me on Sunday. I inform her about my recent IUD procedure- which was the second choice because I wanted a Hysterectomy but the doctor outright refused because I was under 30.
30 years old, mom goes there while dad is also on the call for a Sunday Chat. I chew them both out for expecting my life to look anything like theirs, and that my definition of a successful life IS MINE.
Finally, finally, they've backed the fuck off and admitted their previous behavior was self centered and creepy. Ma even apologized.
Its rough getting through to people who think they own you. But sometimes they come around.
Also, maybe they have to deal with their own things so that they could come around, in their time children was pretty much compulsory, a needed step, so it must be hard to accept that it actually isn't because their life could have been different if the culture they lived in was different, it's still annoying anyway, I was luck that my mother always accepted I didn't want to have children.
Brainwashed shiksa
@@bluester7177it's less difficult if you listen to your kids and see them as people. They failed to do both of those things until I threatened them with no contact.
I have a couple cis/het friends who recently had their first baby. They both have high paying jobs, so the money isn't an issue. They both work from home but still both got time off for maternity/paternity leave. They also do a good job in general of sharing household labor and not putting it all on the wife, and it's no different with a baby. So I go to see them for the first time about a week after the birth and offer to do things like clean, do dishes, etc. Whatever they might need that they haven't been able to do because of the baby, and they're both like, "No, please, if you do it then there will be nothing for us to do to keep ourselves busy. We're so bored and don't know what to do with ourselves." I asked them how they were sleeping and they said they haven't been tired at all, in fact they've been getting about six hours of sleep every night (amazing compared to most new parents). I was like, wow, shocker! You mean that when both partners get leave and share the burden equally, no one is exhausted and they actually have more free time than they know what to do with? I never would have guessed.
Edit: I get that it probably has something to do with the baby and not just the parents, but I've known good sleepers before and the mom is still tired AF. Sleeping through the night is just one less thing she needs to worry about. But he doesn't sleep through the night every night, they just make sure to switch off who gets up to take care of him. And it got a little easier after two weeks because she started being able pump and save her milk so dad could help nurse too.
yeah, that's gonna change real quick though, it's a newborn, they tend to sleep a lot - but it's nice for them to ease into the situation like this and hopefully they're lucky and it will stay this way. And good on them for sharing everything of course, that's how it should be.
Both parents getting leave and sharing burdens is definitely the ideal scenario. That said them getting 6h of sleep straight is lucky and not everyone's fate 😅
Wait until the terrible twos. That will change.
When I had my child, I had a similar experience to your friends, though my partner and I were not bored and we absolutely appreciated every bit of help we got. But unlike what other commenters have suggested, our kiddo slept well for literal years. Not all babies are poor sleepers. It’s just the thing we hear about most because when that’s the situation, and it’s probably more common, it’s talked about more because it’s so hard. My kid slept 7 hours a night at 10 weeks and was up to about 10 hours a night by 6 months, including two naps a day until nearly 4 years.
Your friends just may have a good sleeper, which makes life infinitely less stressful. I don’t know if we did anything all that different than many other parents - it just worked out the way it did. I hope your friends enjoy their good sleeper and find ways to be less bored.
We were in that situation with both babies. Even so, bored never factors in. One of you is CONSTANTLY feeding the little goo, and the other is cleaning up to make way for the next feeding. Leave wasn't bad because we switched off nights. One of us slept, one woke up with the babes. But then, in 12 weeks, you go back to work. Struggle to find childcare. Struggle to pay for childcare. Formula is $500/month. The only available childcare without a 9 month waitlist and a $500 non-refundable waitlist fee is an hour away.
You trade up slowly. Find care that's closer and cheaper. Then care closes or your child gets kicked out suddenly because if a conflict with another kid, and you're back to square one. Your option is to bring the child to work with you until you find care again. Which means you take any care you can find. The cycle repeats until your child is 13 and can stay home by themselves. And that's parenthood.
I feel this shit. The pearl clutching around this issue needs to stop. Instead of shaming people for not reproducing, we should be demanding a better world. I really appreciate the thoughtful snark in this episode, really helped me feel better as an elder millennial aspiring parent.
Always thought I'd have 4 kids when I grew up. I'm in my late 30s now and I will never be able to support a child. Its genuinely heartbreaking and I hope we make things better for people in the future
😞
Say it with me....OVERPOPULATION. This is unsustainable as a whole, we got over 331 million in america alone. That is too damn many.
TIL that if I lived in Finland, I would have kids. All of my reasons for being childfree are directly related to how shitty the US treats families.
Katy always brings a "barely restrained violence" attitude towards Katy episodes that always makes it an interesting time.
I appreciate that she presents the episodes based on women's issues and reproductive rights, but also because her presentation style simply makes for some hilarious jokes about the topic.
Idk can't imagine Cody's SMN persona telling coalminers babies how cute their wittle bwack lwung is, but definitely can imagine and visually see Katy's persona doing that, as the "news boss character who wants human rights but only for herself" 😂
That Shopify ad was a parfait of comedy and self-awareness. She is a golden goddess.
@@ericburns469 a parfait. what a fascinating word choice
and exceptionally hot
@@brenudo997layers. Some smooth and creamy, juxtaposed by the crunchy grains of irony. “You know, that store that you own?” Where is my chef kiss emoji….
Can I just say how impressive it is that Katy somehow manages to match the manic energy of Cody
YES.
I find it staggering that the country that's already resorted so much to outsourcing is panicking over a shortage of new labor
I think it has to do with the type of labor. We offshored everything that could be, but the service sector largely cannot be anything but in person. You can outsource who makes the pipes, but a plumber can't remotely install them. Likewise you can't have a waitressing staff based in a foreign country.
My husband and I are childless by choice but we've discussed fostering and adoption possibilities. I hear the grossest takes from people when I tell them about this. "It's different when it's your own." "You don't want to take care of someone else's problem." "You can't live someone else's kid the same way" Etc.
Adopted person here. On the fence about having kids of my own in the future, but anyone trying to convince you that you only know truly love with a biological child can go kick rocks. If these people are so worried about it being different, tell em to adopt another kid and tell them that. We'll see how they feel then.
@@JordoMIB Honestly I don't think these people deserve the kids they have already 😅 I had a friend growing up who was adopted and some other kids teased her, and I remember my mom saying "Adopted kids are lucky, they're the only ones who know for sure their parents wanted them." 😂 Like mom, your bio child is right here 💀
I've had people say that same shit to me as a step dad. It hurts every time
@@randomtinypotatocried I'm sorry, it's so hard. The kids are worth the effort though! Despite people's ignorance. I just don't understand how people can tout (especially religious) beliefs but not display the most basic forms of supporting people in their community.
People are stupid and petty. Don't let them get in the way of your joy. Life is too short to listen to that kind of a**holery.
I don’t know what kind of productivity they expect of someone 10 days after giving birth, but when I had to return to work after a very generous 3 months leave all I did is pump and cry because I had to leave my baby with a stranger 😢 freaking brutal emotionally and physically
For most people in the US, it’s more like what they expect from someone a day after they give birth.
Oh that’s heartbreaking ❤
A generous 3 months 💀 Unbelievable. In Germany, we get up to 3 years...
After having a second child who would need daycare, we left California and moved to Colorado. It was slightly more affordable but then my youngest got very ill. The only way for us to afford the care she needed was to stay impoverished. Once she had her final surgery, we escaped the declining US and its horrible prospects for our children's futures and moved to New Zealand. We all now have medical care without having to go broke or be broke. Everything is exponentially safer for the kids. They won't have to take on terrible loans to go to uni. We were here in time for COVID, and the way the country took care of those most vulnerable from the nation's government to the schools to our neighbors, we knew we'd made absolutely the right choice for our family. I can't imagine still being a parent in the US.
On top of all the reason you mentioned in this video that make women lean towards not having kids, there is one more: Lots of mothers now go public with how absolutely nerve-wracking, constricting and exhausting being a mother can be..no, not can be, IS, and how little motherhood has to do with the romanticized expectations some mothers had about it. We've become more honest about the burdens of motherhood / parenthood and it's just no longer viewed as a 'next step' in a relationship by everyone anymore. People who keep pestering women about when they will finally have kids are either the older generation or other mothers who want others to join them in their misery. Don't get me wrong, I have a kid (unplanned) that I do love, but kids bring you joy like 10% of the time, the rest is a constant struggle and far from the life I envisioned for myself or used to live. And I haven't even touched on the subject of dealing with a useless partner by your side (unless you're incredibly lucky) - that would be yet another reason.
I love how Matt Walsh totally slipped up by talking about native Americans when making his 'point' about people of Anglo-Saxon European origin being eventually replaced by a 'hodge podge' of other cultures. Like, he didn't need to mention them, but in doing so openly admits that his only issue with this 'replacement' theory is that his 'own team' will lose, years after he is dead.
His fixation on being Anglo Saxon is so bizarre. Many of the immigrants to America were not Anglo Saxon, the Irish, the Scots, the Italians etc... were never Anglo Saxon. Being white doesn't make you anglo saxon and the anglo saxons were basically destroyed by the Normans anyway. So are all white people Norman? I mean there were white people before the Jutes, Angles and Saxons were brought wholesale into Britain as mercenaries. Kind of replacing the native population... which would horrify Matt Walsh.
@@Inveterate-introvert I come from an area in the UK (Right on the Welsh border) where it's very likely I have a good amount of Anglo Saxon ancestry, as my mother's side of the family has been pretty entrenched in here. My family is my family, and my friends are my friends, but I just cannot imagine identifying with somebody just because they might share the same heritage as me. There's just something deeply uncomfortable about saying that out loud, isn't there?
It's almost as if he's afraid of POC doing a colonialism on whites, in the year 2023 no less, as though colonial subjugation were just the inevitable result of mass immigration and therefor not a part of our own history that we need to seriously confront and learn to reconcile.
Right wing racist assholes like him pretend Natives don't exist and conveniently forget we white people ARE NOT NATIVE TO AMERICA. But they act like we are.
@@Inveterate-introvert His fixation isn't so much different from Pride or Black Power movements... just happens to be the demographic you are allowed to express hatred towards in modern society without being corrected. Not a fan of that ever being okay but people don't like things being pointed out if they can get away with it otherwise.
I saw my parents' AARP magazine and it was spinning people retiring later as a win against ageism in the work place.
Ugh!
Retirement only ever worked because most people died around that age anyway.
Katy breaking at the end with what Warmbo said was so incredibly funny. Made up for how soul-crushing the rest of the episode was.
You can hear Cody breaking too , best part no doubt
"Mom, I killed a guy!!"
That was peak improved humor right there
When I was 12 I knew I wanted to be a mom. It literally never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be a mom.
That’s the person who should have a baby. The one who knows in their soul they want to be a parent.
Everyone else should wait until they feel that pull, and if it doesn’t come, don’t.
The worst thing you can do to a kid is have one and resent it.
As someone who ended up randomly having twins when we said "maybe we can do 1" 😅 I just wanna remind yall anything can happen and there is damn near ZERO widespread community out there!
Having spontaneous twins when we were only prepared for one baby rocked my whole life off it's hinges. Zero history of twins in both of our family backgrounds. It's like people say, "Make a plan and God laughs".
Some neighbors of our decided to have a second kid and got 3 more. Yeah, you can't plan for that.
Yeah, given that I'm not even equipped to parent myself and the chance of them having ADHD like me or autism is super high... nah, don't have the patience for neurotypical adults let alone children with special needs. I'll probably lose them the first time I let them outside by getting distracted by a literal squirrel or something anyway.
My son is six, and we'd tried for years to give him a sibling. I'm finally prego again and it's twins! I'm absolutely terrified by the lack of support for this.
As someone who adopted a baby who'd been left by my gate after my partner and I had agreed on being childfree and unmarried, and am now a married mother, I agree. I am lucky because I poured a lot into my community because I was the involved childless aunt for so long, and am nearing middle age, but even with a very engaged community of young adult and rlteen cousins for my son, it is still very difficult
I would like to propose a small addendum of "birth rates will also decline because the younger end of young people literally cannot go out and have the same socializing experiences as older generations (experiences that sometimes lead to partnerships and/or baby-having)."
I'm a lesbian, so I'm not very likely to have kids the old fashioned way, but I do know that my ability to get out in the world and make connections has been stifled by the atmosphere of bubble-wrap parenting that me and my peers were shrouded in when we were younger. Shuttled directly to school in the morning, and shuttled directly back home to do homework. Not allowed to walk out of my house on my own beyond the backyard. If even that! Not endowed with the confidence to visit a convenience story for a snack because you know it'll incite a lathery panic of "somebody might jump you," gods fucking damn it. And the phones track us, but we can't leave the phone home because what if we need to call for help?
We're on the internet all the time because we're not given anywhere else to go. No third places, no room to stretch our legs. The stifled autonomy to just go DO things makes it really hard to get into a place where we could ever have or parent a child.
What I find funny about this is that me, a person living in Brazil, more specifically Rio could do a lot of those things as a kid, I took the bus with a neighbour to go to school from 11 to 13, then 14 upwards I got a bus alone or with friends from school when I was coming back, I've done other activities after school in which I had to go by myself walking through my city centre and Rio is violent compared to most places even though is mostly confined to certain areas and most people live a normal life but it seems weird to have had more freedom than someone in a pretty safe country in comparison.
Everything you described is also the default setting for suburban living: can’t join after school activities if you’re dependent on the school bus, can’t go to a park or arcade or store if those are a car ride away. If you don’t like biking in endless circles around your neighborhood, it was natural to gravitate towards indoor games/activities.
(I watch Second Thought, Not Just Bikes, and other channels that discuss municipal planning)
I had a similar bubble wrapped childhood (I'm 27). I distinctly remember being about 10 years old(?) and begging my mum to let me go out on my bike to meet my friends at the park (barely a five minute bike journey), but she put her foot down and said not without a parent to supervise.
So even some of my friends had freedom I did not (though not all of them).
I wasn't allowed to scuff my knees, climb a tree, explore beyond my mum's range of vision. It had to be a rubber playground or indoor play.
I grew up in a tiny community, too, which makes it all the more absurd.
And when I was a teen it was the same story. But then mum would say "why do you spend all your time in your room?"
Where else was I supposed to go 🤷♀️ not like we had the money to go to after school activities, and I wasn't allowed to get a "teenager" job.
Now as an adult I can't afford to go out except for "free" activities like walks. Which would be good if there was more nature, but they keep flattening that to build on...
Ramble over lol.
You're so spot on with this. I'm 28, but grew up with a helicopter parent that severely stifled my development when it comes to human interaction. I wasn't allowed to go out unsupervised, I had to text her where I was at all times, I wasn't even allowed to date until I was 16. I spent most of my time at home on the computer because it was the only sanctuary I had.
Then I turned 18 and suddenly I'm set free, but I don't know what to do with myself. I ended up, again, spending most of my free time on the computer. That's how I actually met my boyfriend, through an online game. I don't think I would've dated someone otherwise.
I'm moved out with him now, but even now my mother still is SO anxious about everything and tries telling me what to do, to be cautious of everyone and everything. My anxiety is so bad because of how I was raised and the garbage she's put in my head. I can't imagine having a kid without being on some kind of medication. I can't imagine raising someone so sheltered the same way she did to me.
@@scarymath6666: My reaction to the whole helicopter parenting phenomenon was to remember the story of Thetis and Achilles en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thetis#Marriage_to_Peleus, and the realization that it's a perfect allegory warning against such practices. If you shelter your child from everything, they won't know how to deal with anything. Exposure brings knowledge, experience, and adaptability.
My husband and I agreed having a kid was not in the books for us. Yet, my side of the family still keeps asking if we’ll have them. It’s so funny watching the hope from their faces vanish when my partner goes, “Oh, I had a vasectomy!”
This hits so close to home. I have a disabled child and fear for him once me and my husband are gone. His sibling should not have to be in charge of him. Although I have a friend with a disabled son that sees his younger brother as a growing caregiver. An insurance plan. It’s sad when some people have so much and the rest are stretched thin.
In a way, it’s sad. I always wanted a lot of kids, but now, I’m 26 and can’t barely afford my own rent and food. And I know I’m not the only one in this situation.
Hang in there. It might get better, it might not; but the world is a better place with more experience and more viewpoints. Wether you have kids or not does not change your value as an individual.
@@xerothedarkstar It's pretty easy to say when you're not the one facing pregnancy complications in a red state where you could even be sentenced to prison for a miscarriage. Easy to say when you are having to work 3 jobs just to feed your kids because inflation keeps going up. Don't tell people it might get better because for most it does not for most it has not don't have this toxic positivity they weren't even being overly negative
@@kateajurors8640 I did try to be neutral, as I'm not an omniscient being, but I stand by my point that the world is made better with diversity. I'm sorry that some states suck infinitely more than others, and I'm trying my best to do what I can as an individual. I'm not God and can't fix things for everyone. I wish I could.
@@kateajurors8640you are not helping anyone. Please stop.
It's a sad state of affairs when moving to another "First World" country to improve your quality of life feels like a more viable option than hoping the US improves its social safety nets within one's lifetime...
Like, no country is without its share of problems (especially as other English-speaking countries are picking up some of our bad habits and worse rhetoric), but as someone who's lived abroad at various times of my life, it cant really be overstated how relieving it feels to be removed from some uniquely American problems.
But but but... those countries are all smaller! It's not the saaame! You can't expect US to be civilized!
@@luna-p Oh yeah, gotta love how they'll twist themselves into a pretzel to explain how one of the supposed best and wealthiest countries in the world can't somehow take care of its own compared to countries with comparatively smaller GDPs.
Imagine living in a country that thinks everything from the US is better. I live in such a country, and the dichotomy sucks
While Katie’s episodes have less funnies and abstract stuff than Codie’s but I love how direct and well delivered the script is. This show is so fucking great I am deeply appreciative of this incredibly well put together show.
You nailed it with this one. I want to have another child, but I can barely afford the one I currently have- and I live in a 2 income household. It's devastating. Between the cost of daycare, providing the healthiest food we can afford to, and the cost of health insurance + the out of pocket cost of doctors visits, we are struggling all the time.
I think the underlying issue is just how remarkably poorly we've designed our country to get the outcomes we claim to desire. Not just in childcare and parental rights and such but like... everything. These are choices people have made and its just wild to me that we've seen the outcomes of those choices and keep making them.
The country is exactly designed as intended, to squeeze out maximum returns for shareholder 🤷♀️🌷
"The speed of technological advancement isn't nearly as important as short term quarterly gains."
Star Trek summed up what's wrong with Western society a long time ago
Neoliberal economics in the vein of Milton Friedman along with private equity firms maintaining an outsized influence.
We don't need to put a dollar sign on everything, but we do; doesn't help that the USD is a global reserve currency but accounts for ~20% global GDP.
And my favorite metric: money velocity. How much money actually cycles through the economy. It was an important metric during the depression, still tracked by FRED.
capitalism go brrr
Never met a whyte, have you?
The neanderthal descendants have proven they are best at being the worst.
This show literally makes episodes tailored to my concerns and issues in this world.
Yes
Some morw news is my go to mews !❤ 36:11
You meant to post this on Jackson Galaxy's video
Yeah. It's kinda scary and also reassuring at the same time.
It’s because Katy breaks into your house and squeezes all of the news juice out of your brain while you sleep
The culture of pressuring your kids and grandkids to have their own kids is also....seriously concerning...a former friend was getting that from her favourite grandma in like, early elementary school, and now she has a kid and I really hope that she isnt treating them like she has a history of treating other people.
Expectations for parents have changed. There used to be far more social/community support for children, and now there just isn't. This is especially true for mothers. You are actively punished from the moment you get pregnant until your child turns 5, then it gets a little more manageable with public education. Six years is a LONG time. I could never imagine having another child.
I have 2 daughters and only because both were cryptic pregnancies (didn't know I was pregnant). My husband and I had no plans for kids, mostly for financial reasons. Luckily, we have a lot of family and friends that stepped up to help support a baby that came out of nowhere (twice).
Also, it pushed my dysphoria so over the edge that I cracked and came out as a trans man. Which my husband already suspected; he was trying to give me space. So my kids actually have made me happier not just because they're hilarious but also because I can live honestly.
I admit to the schadenfreude of knowing that die-hard conservatives hate queer people but love the military. Thank you for supporting our trans-gay military family!
Aww I love stories of trans people coming out after they're married and their spouses being supportive! So heartwarming! Congrats to your family 😊
🏳️⚧️❤️🏳️🌈
Having two young kids of my own, I feel qualified to say...it's not for everyone.
Same. When my kids were babies some of my friends would ask me whether they should try to have kids or not. I’d always tell them it’s not something to be on the fence about. If you’re not sure if you want kids, DON’T HAVE KIDS. Before you have them, you can’t help but think of them as an addition to your existing life. In reality, they become your life, and everything you were before is an addition to raising your children. If that doesn’t sound like something you want to do, don’t, you don’t have to.
This was an acceptable trade-off for me. There was never a time in my life where I had even a shadow of doubt that I wanted kids.
I got a teenager. It's definitely not for everyone. I couldn't imagine raising them back in the US, especially with their medical issues and being nonbinary (it's been upsetting to the kid seeing the same transphobia happening here in Canada)
Not everyone shoud be parents, not you, in general. And pets might be a good testrun . If peope ask that, they shoud get an annoying pet. And know all the risks.
@asmodiusjones9563 I'd actually disagree, idk about 100%. Some people want to have kids but feel insecure about there own abilities. It can really be like a trail by fire and some people are scared by fire.
But I feel like if your doing it for the right reasons and you are open to learning and are a generally stable person (I'm including financially) It can be ok to be unsure. Overconfident can actually be worse than Unsure
Cause What if the thing you're absolutely sure of isn't what you thought it would be
@@Mrjonnyjonjon123 that’s true, but I would say there’s a difference between knowing you want to have kids but being unsure about whether you’ll be a good parent or whether you can afford it, and not being sure you want to have kids at all.
In general, people can learn how to be a good parent or scrape through financially (that can be very difficult, but your kids make it worth it). But if someone isn’t sure they want to be a parent, and then after having kids realize they don’t, that’s tough on them and the kids forever.
I always love Katy's delightfully morbid delivery. Good to see a Katy episode!
As a single 31yr old with no children I am happy. Feels good knowing i don't have people depending on me to do crap i dont wanna deal with. I wake up when i want, do what i want, i get to keep my expendable income. It's great.
Give it another 10-15 years, you will regret it.
@@ryurc3033 maybe he will regret it, maybe he won't regret it. But that you are so certain he will regret it tells a lot about you and not much about his future.
@@ryurc3033Nope lol...
The imbalance of domestic labor (in heterosexual marriages), the lack of child care funding & education, threats of our reproductive rights taken away and the fact that childless and single women are the happiest demographic- it’s a no for me dawg. And I’m happy that other women are waking up to realize it’s a trap.
The question can be answered by consideration of available resources, but I think we should discuss the question as such: should you be able to have a baby without all the concerns we all know about? Remember, the number one answer to why people choose not to is because childcare is too expensive.
This is the number one reason for abortion. And sadly birth control isn't free. Also a study conducted on young people said 1 in 4 had a partner try to interfere with birth control. Wether refusing to use a condom or slipping it off or other methods.
Let's start at the beginning of this mess, chikari: WHO TF is this man (they are always man, with no expertise on the topic and worse ...) that thought it is his business to declare something "that just is" as a problem. He has seen the birth-rates and as his godly wonderful delusion: declared this situation to be a PROBLEM. First of all, there is no problem, there is no "extinction" and such BS. Else, you come from a nationalistic, fascist or racial standpoint ... which is BS by default. Second: Why in the nine circles of parliamentary democracy does this guy feel entitled to regulate the reproduction of millions of strangers? NO ONE HAS ASKED HIM TO DO SO, but his delusions!
And third: This is a laughably childish view on complex interrelationships in whole cultures and even social systems by those lost and misguided populists. As we can learn from history: Cultures, civilizations, systems come and go(not really, they and therefore the people during the generations mostly transform). There is decay, reuse, new impulses, discoveries, change and birth. A right-wing nutcase (for example) with his absurd views wont change that circle of life in the slightest way. And if so...then it will be negative for everyone involved, making things worse for everyone(which is obviously their key-competence! Hehehe) ... which is also clear from the historical record.
Let's fight for a life worth of living, with access to medical care, free from oppression, with equality. With care for each other! Hey ... than even those "old white men" will recognize: The kids are coming ... without even thinking about it. Happy children ... that have the attitude that there is maybe room in this world for more and also happy children. But you cannot explain that to sad and greedy people.
Have a good one, chikari123!:)
@@SpeakerWiggin49 Excellent question too bc it seems coercive without knowing these things in advance.
Amen, sister
I do actually want kids one day but I’m absolutely terrified of pregnancy. Like I have literal nightmares about being pregnant. NO thank you. Living in Texas I’d probably just kill myself if I ended up pregnant, the fear runs that deep. Irrational, I know. Hopefully I’ll be in the right financial state to adopt in the next decade or so.
Not completely irrational, pregnancy *is* risky and with gutted healthcare the potential danger only increases. And even if everything just so happens to go the right way, it still almost certainly will leave the body changed, again in small ways like the stretchmarks and changed shape of breasts and maybe a little of back pain if you are very lucky... but, yeah. (and then Texas looks like it's going to be terrible for kid as they're growing as well)
I don't think it's irrational to be scared of pregnancy, it is scary (though maybe don't kill yourself). Pregnancy can be hard and there are a lot of things that can happen that you just straight up don't know about until it happens - there's a lot of things people don't tell you about. I'm not going to go into it because I don't want to exacerbate your fear but there's a laundry of things that can happen to your body during pregnancy that are not widely known - hormones can do crazy stuff.
Same tho, pregnancy terrifies tf out of me and I imagine it’ll make me so incredibly dysphoric I simply could not do it. I’d probably kms too if I got pregnant and couldn’t abort 💀
hhahaha, u will impose uncertainty, illness and death in agony on your kids because ''u want kids''? How niiicceee.
Same, on all counts. Texas is an awful place for this.
I’ve never wanted kids, but a society that cares enough about people for them to be able to feasibly have kids is also one where people like me are better off as a side effect.
Great point! I wish more voters understood that.
Cody has an insane sting to his humor and way he talks, but Katy sounds so EVIL naturally. Love this channel so muchhhhh
15:27 I gasped when you said "specifically you, Sarah!!" because I AM named Sarah, I'm 35 "staring down the barrel of a dusty womb"🤣 and I even look like the pic! My parents really wanna become grandparents🥺 Also wild you mentioned Karate cause I'm a blackbelt🥋 I'm asexual and not planning to have kids because the manga graphic novels I'm making are my immortality!🐱
Rock your asexual karate freedom until the end Sarah, I'mma do something similar
I'm ace too!!! It's a completely valid reason to not want to have children, live your best life Sarah
Broooo ✊🤟
if you like your life the way it is, simply keep it that way. You don't need children to have a legacy, mangas are way cooler ;) Maybe your parents should consider reading to kids in a kindergarten or somewhere else if they'd like that, it might feel fulfilling to them. xxx
Graphic novels are THAT MUCH cooler than babies
That picture of Cody is very reassuring.
Good to know he's safe and happy
Good to know he’s alive, for now*
Best he has ever looked. He seemed more relaxed.
Hey all in the USA…isn’t it about time the federal government support families with 2 years paid maternity leave, 2 years paid paternity leave, federal funded child care, equal funding for each child mandated for k-12 students, universal Medicare healthcare for all citizens; to all be enshrined in our constitution as part of the equal rights amendment? Not negotiable.🤨 Seriously.😳 Yes please.😉
Thank you Katy, everyone at the Some More News team and especially Wormbo. 😘😍🥰❤
While I normally watch SMN whenever you guys put out a new a video, I just couldn't do it with this one.
My internal struggle over having or not having kids has be tearing me up inside, and this video is just too real for me.
I guess I'm really just leaving this comment with the hope RUclips doesn't think I hate your videos and stops recommending them to me forever.
Same, it's a really tough topic for me but I gave in and watched a bit 😂
I hit a crisis point last year about this topic.
I brought in a housemate and the only way I could be happier is if she wasn't such a fussy eater. She's usually very quiet but sometimes she can be an adorable buttface.
hey it's like a week late to this comment but hi. I've been having a similar months-long meltdown over whether to have kids and no one in my life wants to actually sit down and talk about it, so I haven't been able to make a choice. This video was deeply cruel amd I had to break it up into smaller sections over this past week. But I'm glad I did? I dunno I can't say it was a *good* experience, but it was cathartic in a way and I think I have a better grip on my own choice.
Give the vid a chance, if you can. Even if it's in tiny 10-minute chunks while holding a cat hostage.
Only in our society can we squeeze people to the point where they can no longer afford to raise a family, only to berate the same people for not having one.
And when I say *our*, I mean the west as a whole, it's not just the US where this is a problem.
Like, Canada?
@@youtubeuniversity3638Yes definitely. You're seeing places like Alberta making it harder to raise a family
The West is still a heaven compared to the global south, bro. Large families and shitty economics are a bad mix.
@@youtubeuniversity3638 Canada, Europe, Asia, pretty much every developed country has this problem.
Repeat after me, billionaires are not that intelligent. That's why the logic doesn't make sense. Greed and nepotism, the IQ at the top is closer to the average than they believe.
Got to love how rich people care more about money than human life
@@LPW638
Don't forget the lives of the human capital that they need to exploit.
hmmmm... do they? maybe in the short term. but if they cared about themselves in the long term i feel like they would act much differently@@LPW638
@@LPW638uhh who doesn't care about their own life??
Katy Stoll, it's always a joy when you host and I'm not only saying this as a late 30s potential doppelganger who steals clothing and makeup tips from you. I actually discovered this channel/podcast from you being a guest on behind the bastards.
Thanks for being hilarious about depressing topics. Cody too, but I can't steal as many fashion tips from him, so I'm biased.
Cody always rocks 'some more news' like a classic rock band! but when Katy hosts it's like when that same band plays a rock ballad that hits you in all the feels; so hard! always great, all around!
It is insane that normal people can still be conservative
Normal people don't make a political philosophy out of rejecting reality.
@@nickanderson412 funny little goblin man who lives in a cave here. frankly i find your comment to be a little offensive.
hee hee hoo hoo i'm a goblin yippee
🤪🤪🤪
@@brenudo997Big fan of Goblins! Without you we could never have our delicious AG1 juice (code: more news)
Normal where?
@@nickanderson412yeah, conservatives who live in the past and want to bring the horrible conditions of it literally make the past their reality, good point!
Definitely feel like the whole "loneliness crisis" of younger folks feeling too busy and/or poor to settle down and all of the mental health stuff associated with that is likely a pretty significant contributing factor, at least in some parts of the country and some social groups. Thank you boss-friend for another piece of Good Content.
I just want free time, and thanks to full time work I already feel like I don't have enough. I can't imagine having a child on top of this feeling. This is without going into the economic issues.
@@covertpetersen2573I've been dealing with my dad being in the hospital with cancer and I can barely find enough free time for me to get other things done. If I were to add kids on top of that I don't know when I would get things done.
And he's only 65. He should be getting through this cancer, his fourth one, and he should still be hanging around for a lot longer but I'm already having to deal with health problems with my parents. I don't know when kids are possibly fit into the equation.
My grandfather had his first kid at 16, then got married and had 4 more. My dad got married and had me at 18. Grandmother and mother were house-wives. All of the family was living near the poverty line (and many still are), while father and grandfather worked 60+ hour weeks leaving very little time to raise their kids. F that shit.
@@covertpetersen2573 for real. i barely have time to cover my own needs right now. wouldnt be surprised at all if we end up seeing a population dip in the next 20-30 years globally because of good ole Friend of the Show: Late Stage Capitalism
the fact is also to prevent loneliness we need to foster community outside of "nuclear family", instead of treating the latter as the only way to not be lonely. Kids shouldn't be a solution for their parents psychological problems, including loneliness. People should have kids only after they solved their own problems. Don't burden babies with solving your issues
As much as a love seeing Katy Stoll host an episode it feels like when she is brought out it means the topic is gonna be more a serious conversation that needs to be had
As a non-womb haver just be prospect of having a child both from a financial and medical standpoint is terrifying and in can’t even imagine having the burdens of someone who actually has a womb
I'm so glad Cody is alive for now.
a hour ago, he still might be, maybe :O
Holy shit, for once, I agree with Dennis Prager, you would have to be (at least ) drunk to think the world is a better place with him in it
Broken clock and all that
@@FearHimself666I'll agree to that expression if he's ever correct a second time
That cracked me up good. I had no idea where you were going at the start lol
@@deanfranz 100% same
I was treated so badly as a kid by so many (not my own family though), that I never felt like I could bring a life involuntarily into a world as horrid as this one. It's only worse now. I did end up having stepkids and I love them dearly, but I couldn't create a life without its permission.
Amazing episode. Lays it out clear and another reminder to expect more on the most fundamental aspects of life.
Love Cody, but it's honestly great having Katie helm segments and episodes too. I love that there's an identifiable tone and vibe the show has across both of yall, but that she's not just trying to emulate Cody in her demeanor and delivery. She's her own self and both are excellent.
I don't think i should have kids and I have been consistent in this position since I was theoretically capable of getting knocked up (about 20yrs), but it's really sad to me that we manage to make things needlessly difficult and expensive for the folks who do. It just seems cruel. Waiting because you want to, but just aren't in a stable relationship or aren't emotionally ready is perfectly legit, but feeling like you are ready but your time and energy are slipping away as financial stability or health access or the ability to take time to care for kids vanish over the horizon...I can't imagine how much that must ache.
We demand people have kids to keep the economy going. We then make having kids prohibitively expensive to keep the economy going. It doesn't *seem* cruel, it is.
It's literally the worse. Because once we feel like we are ready, we end up realizing we don't have funds or we don't have the time. I could support a child, but I work 56+ hrs all through the summer and sometimes this leads all the way to our slow season in March. (I've had 3 of the past 14 weekends off. 2 were holidays...)
I'm not going to be overwork and stress while trying to raise a child that never wished for it. I want to be there and help them grow. This is the problem I think most adults are going through.
It does ache.
I am firmly child-free AND disabled, so I think about this stuff all the time 😢
I'm :04 into this video and had to pause it just so I can tell you how happy I am to see Katy again!!!
Hi Katy 🙂
If I can be as relaxed as Cody, I will use this product too! Cody is the most relaxed person I know. He is never tense.
I live with this married couple who have a kid and the mom is pregnant with another on the way. They only have the dad's income to hold them over and he got injured at his warehouse job and worker's comp is making it a point to not pay him properly, if at all. They're constantly struggling to afford anything from food, diapers, etc. and now they have a second kid and it's probably not gonna get better after. Anything and I mean ANYTHING can happen regardless of how well prepared you think you are.
I don't think it's really a valid reason to have kids with the expectation that they will look after you when you grow old. That assumes your kids will stay in the same town as you or they will have the capacity for you to move in when you get old. Not to mention other scenarios from deteriorating relationship to their early departure. More likely you can only expect financial support. But if that's the only reason for you to have kids, you might as well calculate the cost of a child and open an investment portfolio where you deposit what you'd spend on a child. Same result but saves you the emotional and physical labor if you aren't actually into that. Of course if you can find joy in parenting that's great, just don't look at them as your retirement plan...
Older co-worker had a son and was depending on them for retirement. Pushed his son into the military, into a job he didn't want, etc. He told me last year his son killed himself. So, he is putting off retirement. (I'm not saying his son killed himself because of his dad, I was not in the household and don't want to speak on it.)
Sometimes, this doesn't work out like these people plan. The best person to rely on for your retirement is yourself, not a kid who has not been born yet.
Actually smart! lol
But people do think that way. Kids are property, not humans. They have no rights, they're there to do the bidding of their parents.
Crazy News Aunt episodes are always such a treat. I’m hoping for more Katy cameos in the future…
Crazy News MOMMY
@@wabbajack2 “Heyy cousin..”
Thank you for making this episode. This has been on my mind recently, as my best friend and her partner are trying to start a family but have run into complications, including a really dangerous miscarriage that resulted in my friend having to go to the ER. I personally do not want children, but looking at my friend going through such emotional and physical trauma throughout this process, it just makes me so angry. People feel so entitled to weigh in on this decision that couldn't be any more personal. It implicates absolutely ever aspect of your life, including the potential risk that you may lose your life during the process of trying to become a mother. No one but the parents should be involved in making the decision. And we as a society should do everything we can to make pregnancy, birth, and child-rearing as safe and supported as possible.
Very glad that Cody is alive, for now.
He's being turned into Skin Soda
Yum!
People saying it's a moral obligation to do this or that, how about the moral obligation of letting others decide what to do with their damn body?
Does that not extend to kids having a right to choose not to be born?
@@LifeStrike2030Being born or not isn't a choice - it's made for you. What's your point?
@@evilds3261 my point is that being born is a violation of the child’s consent, and that violating that right to consent is morally abhorrent.
@@LifeStrike2030Fair point. Although I do not see how this can be enforced. How do you get the consent of someone who has yet to be born?
@@evilds3261 you can’t therefore you can’t risk it. It’s like sex w a sleeping person. You can’t get consent so you just dont
Heya! Young finnish person here. While its always great to see positive nods toward our childcare system in foreign media, the praise sadly tends to drown out the current and worrying events.
As of now, our new far-right government has introduced devastating funding cuts that mostly impact families and students already living beneath the poverty line. Similar policy changes also negatively affect immigrant workers while leaving the rich unscathed.
Writing a long video on such a wide topic takes a lot of work, but it would be good to take a closer look at this issue in the future. A lot of countries seem to be trying to emulate the US when it comes to funding cuts to families and workers, and that sadly includes Finland.
-Yours truly, a concerned finn
I would say they are not "emulating the US" but that the democracies of other countries are coming under the domination of multinational corporations (who owe allegiance to no country and to nothing but themselves and their own profit) through the loopholes inherent in a free and open society.
Katy I appreciate that you were the one who discussed this topic, and it was extremely validating to hear what I've said to in-laws, come from someone else.
I really struggled with this earlier this year, worrying if I'm missing out on something by never having kids. Every time I get the urge, I run into the same advice: FOMO is selfish and a really really really bad reason to have kids.
My husband and I would ‘discuss’ how we would rear children differently (better) than the people around us to the point of ‘we’ll show them how to do it!’ And then quickly realize that is the fu€king stupidest reason to bring a life into the world. We were both raised by mothers that had children more because it was what was expected of them/gave them status so there is no way for us to encourage someone subjecting anyone else to that version of neglect.
@@nightfall3605 I keep seeing that it's not parenthood I really want, it's the ideal of parenthood. But I'm way more interested in things other than the work it takes to do that. Call me selfish, just don't call me deluded.
there are tons of children who need parenting. you don't gotta make em
Uh...most reasons for having children are selfish, though aren't they? I don't mean that in a negative way. It's not WRONG to have children to have descendants or to experience having children or even wanting to have a "traditional family" because that's what you were thought.. But it IS self focused, it's not about anyone else, it's about you. Like, who else should you be thinking of when deciding to have children?
@@BATCHARRO The children? In contrast to self-focused reasons, my sister and her husband wanted children and subsequently lived their lives making decisions based upon what they considered to be the best for their boys. They didn’t disappear into parenthood, but they never lost focus on the fact that they were responsible for these lives. If someone has children for selfish or self-focused reasons, when they change their minds about those reasons it will be the children that suffer.
Consider so many stories of children not being the answer to a parent’s dream. The fussy baby instead of the sweet angel; the kid that doesn’t share the parent’s interests; the young adult that doesn’t want the career/business the parent built up; the adult that doesn’t share the religion/worldview/sexuality of their parent; the adult that can’t/won’t provide the parents shelter or support (including the assurance of grandchildren). In my opinion the ideal parent is someone who loves their child unconditionally and sets out to raise them to be their own person. I’m neither energized nor interested enough to take on that responsibility, so I didn’t.
My wife and I are in our mid-40s and never once have we regretted not having kids. It's more economically stable, and we've had a lot more time to pursue dream careers that would have been otherwise impossible. There is a clear bifurcation for that path, though - child-havers disappear into their homes and jobs for 20 years, taking all the focus of the rest of the baby-crazed extended family with them, so you do end up pretty much making a whole new set of friends and found family, as your interests and life experiences diverge so sharply from that point.
And as for why, it's in no small part because Conservatives have made the world awful - they are horrible to live around, their policies are horrible to live under, and I simply wouldn't do to another person what living in a Conservative country did to me (despite my parents' best efforts). Why would anybody bring a child into a world where Matt Walsh exists? That's a failed state.
I appreciate that Katy conceals her contempt for the various parties responsible for the issues she covers exactly as little as they conceal their contempt for women and children. The only difference is that her points are articulated and sourced and ultimately sane.
You and Cody both seem to have been having a lot of fun recently with the less scripted portions of the show. The ending here was great.
As a 35 year old non-parent and caregiver to my retired parents who cannot drive or work, this is hitting me hard in multiple places..
Your parents should NOT have had kids
I am also 35 and not a parent and I am currently spending a lot of time dealing with my dad going through cancer for his fourth time. He cannot drive right now and is currently stuck sitting in a hospital bed because he's not responding well to chemo. He should be fine but he is having a b**** of a time with these treatments since he's a lot older than his previous more difficult cancer escapade.
I am only able to drive a hundred miles to literally give him his breakfast in the morning because I don't have kids
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite but now you know you have a higher probability to have cancer, so who will care for you once you reach his age?
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexite at a certain point in life i think it's fair to just "take me out"... if i need a caregiver and struggling day to day, is there really any reason to ruin someone else's life because mine is hanging on by a thread?
@@BeachLookingGuy my motto is "if I don't know where I am I don't need to be around".
While I wouldn't trade life with my son for anything, I sure as heck would have waited to have him if that had been an option. (I was young, extremely poor, and birth control plus bad medical advice from my doctor failed me.) I don't blame anyone who decides it's not for them, especially if it's for financial reasons. This country hates children and parents and it's so draining.
Plenty of people who have kids know that "baby shoes, never worn" have been in their closet with countless other things that were "super cute" at the time but the kid outgrew them before they had a chance to wear them. Infants grow like weeds.
Frankly, this is embarrassing to admit but I couldn’t bring myself to watch the video as fast as I usually do when the title was “should you have a baby”. I have 4 kids, the oldest is a stepchild, and even though I was on birth control I got pregnant last year and now have an 8 month old. We are all absolutely nuts about this baby but the guilt I felt getting pregnant at 36 with an older husband and my other kids being teens or almost teens is hard to describe.
I also found out I was pregnant while we were staying in a rental while our house was rebuilt after a fire, so even though my sweet boy is very wanted, I still feel like I did something irresponsible. I was in a really good spot career wise but in that particular role I couldn’t truly be accommodated through pregnancy and maternity leave so I had to step back and lost some ground there.
I’m having a hard time making a point, but all this to say the incredible guilt we feel either way keeps us from being the best moms or best non-moms we can be and that makes me sad in a way I can’t really describe.
I had my vasectomy at age 20 (before having kids) after considering it for a year. Best decision ever.
If the conservatives knew how many people under 30 were sucessfully getting sterilized, they'd be like 50x more on fire than they are now just for declining birth rates.
I am an aspiring parent, but I stan for the childfrees. The bread has been buttered and people medically opting out of reproducing early should not surprise anyone who's actually paying attention in a meaningful way.
Congrats to you and best wishes to all seeking reproductive autonomy in these times hostile to our reproductive autonomy.
As a woman, I'm jealous. They won't let me get one until I'm 25+ with a kid.
tell me you're having sex without telling me you're a sex-haver
As a man in my 30s and the father of a school-aged child, I wish I were with you in that regard. I love my kid, but I fear for the world into which they'll grow.
Childfree is the way to be.
@@wabbajack2 Not to call you out, but this is directly against what the episode was saying. Childfree is only the way to be if you legitimately don't want kids. If everyone was childfree out of fear for the future, we would have no reason to ever work towards a better one. I'm glad my parents both had and wanted me - the second being the much more important factor. They made it work, and if I ever did want kids, I would too. Regardless of the world I would bring them into.
This video is both relevant and not to people like my wife and I. We wanted to have a kid but we literally unable to afford to since we can't have one naturally. It's depressing and been very hard on my wife who has always wanted to be a mom.
This may sound tough, but if you can't afford to have one non-naturally, you couldn't afford to have one naturally either. The cost of a child from birth to 18 y.o. is around $250,000. That ignores any and all costs for medical emergencies during pre and post birth. This is coming a childless guy as well, though I wish I could afford one and also wish the world wouldn't be a disaster in the next 50 years. This probably won't change anything for your wife, but perhaps it will avoid having guilt (humans have the tendency to assume blame if their bodies don't work "as intended")
I know this doesn't mean much from a random person on the internet, but I'm sorry for you and your wife - this must be hard for both of you - but her particularly (women are pressured at a young age that they should have children when their older so it's only normal to take it hard when you aren't able to do that). There are different options out there and I hope you guys find one that works for you. Having kids is not everything but if you want to start a family and can't - that's an emotionally difficult pill to swallow. If its any consolation, I didn't think my husband and I would be able to conceive and eventually we did and my aunt got pregnant after having one of her ovaries removed and was told by doctors at the time that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant so pregnancy is unpredictable - maybe something will happen some day.
And it can be up to 80 000 for IVF etc
@@razvanzamfir1545so only rich people should have kids?
@@M00PSY that's not at all what I'm saying.
My Mom had me at 35. Being a woman looking back it was difficult when I was going thru puberty and she was in and out of menopause. Totally different times in a womans life. Made it super difficult for both of us. Just another topic we like to dodge in America…the change of life…Men and woman …by the way. Just saying older guys and girls…take heed my warning
Love the episode! Katie did a great job! You guys should chat about South Korea's falling birthrate if you're interested in this issue. They trying to fix all these complicated problems while having a right leaning government that promised a reactionary group that they would disband the government's ministry for gender equality. One of their "brilliant" ideas so far has included the fertility map. A map which showed everyone how many unmarried fertile woman there were in an area. Fun stuff :/
what the fuck
Jesus Christ, dude. That is . . . Wow, that is bad.😬